When Death Comes

When Death Comes (excerpt)
...
When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

-Mary Oliver


It is with the words of all those who have come before that I embark on this journey at all. The expectation that there is something more than this moment, this day.

That people everywhere are doing and acting and growing and the excitement of this shared adventure between us all; the unspoken camaraderie between the living.

What are we humans at our core? Hearts pumping blood and oxygen, neurons-flying and hormones racing, breathing, feeling individuals. A species with minds and consciousness. What people have created! What we are able to create!! Art, food, food as art, music and noise as music. Melody, tone, rhythm, syntax, language. The range of emotions, the need to express those emotions, the means to express those emotions!

It is with the weight of this all that I strive for tomorrow. The desire to be a part of it. To take part in it.

I received a card during my first year of college from a friend. it's a black square with white type,

what would you attempt to do
if you knew you could not fail?

Everywhere I've lived for the seven years since I received it, I've tacked it eyelevel in all of my workspaces. A reminder, daily, that my instinct of self-preservation - and moreover, self-doubt - has to be fought. I have to live intentionally, as if I am capable of anything.

Because I am. (and so are you.)

Hiatus Halted

The nature of life, or at least the nature I've come to terms with in my life, is such that plans sometimes have a way deviating from the course you originally desired.

While Caitlin and I wanted to leave early in the year of 2010 - for various reasons we were unable to. While the largest was due to dental care that I needed to both have and find a way to pay for - it didn't help that we were just having so much fun in Philadelphia. Between amazing roommates, great friends and a vibrant music and food scene - why pick up and run off?

Now, after a four month long stint as a supervisor for the 2010 Census - I've not only paid off my debts (student loans not included, ugh.), but have managed to save enough money to help us rest assured that we wont starve to death on the road. We've both given notice at our respective day jobs and are once again making preparations for the trip.

We plan on starting in Virginia in mid-September. Why Virginia?

1. Virginia is beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. I'm most definitely one of those cliched individuals whose heart can just stop when looking at certain horizons. The Shenandoah valley made me almost crash my car when I first laid sight on those mountainous landscapes.

2. Virginia has a lot of organic farming and sustainable living organizations currently in practice. It's really a state that has both the natural resources and community interest in farming. Why is this?

3. Its super close to Philadelphia! and other metropolitan areas - how does this affect the way the farms are able to orient their business? Do the farms exist to provide food for the cities, or CSAs and small communities?

4. Have I mentioned that its incredibly beautiful?

5. There's this Eddie from Ohio song called "Old Dominion" that glorifies sweet Virginia and throws down a gauntlet, that being from upstate NY and having visited Vermont in the fall, I just have to test out for myself: "You think that autumns in new england / are the greatest of them all, but give me sweet virginia for the fireworks of fall. The prettiest october in all the 50 states, just drive up to the skyline, park the car and wait."

6. Why not?

We've bought a new car, are slowly ridding ourselves of our furniture, begging friends to foster our beautiful cats for a year and are saying our goodbyes.

t-54 days. yikes!