Wherever you are, you'll always be surrounded by love

"I think it'll float, I think it'll sail , We may take on waves, hit a gale -
but considering this love, most everything says I think it'll fly and I think it'll sing." -Sarah Harmer

I thought that somehow, as soon as Caitlin and I began our journey, I would experience some sense of radical change. While yes, it's only been four days since we've been on the road - I still have this nagging sense of worry and anxiety that I'm not maximizing the use of every day. At the same time that I'm telling myself to slow down and breathe, I'm making mental (and physical) to-do lists to help quell anxiety.

I suppose it doesn't help, that today I turn 25 years old, an official quarter of a century. I keep assuring myself that I'm happy to be 25 and living a life that I'm happy to live - traveling and farming and experiencing; truth is I'm not quite sure. It is scary - who knows what could happen, both during the trip and after we've decided the trip has come to an endpoint. I've been wavering back and forth about whether it is time for me to apply to graduate school and the work that would come with that over the next couple of months is daunting to say the least!

On top of that, though, is the fear I have of the world itself. I remember my roommate Lauren and I talking about how our imaginations had the tendency to run wild with all of the things that could go wrong/all the ways people could think of to murder us (I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, IF YOU LEAVE NOW, I PROMISE I WON'T CALL THE COPS!). This fear comes on, unfortunately, most strongly at night. While sleeping in the tent at night on one hand is glorious, at the same time terrifying.

Maybe I've watched too much Law and Order: SVU, or just read too many crime-sensationalizing news stories; but I can't help see axe-murderers and hear criminally insane sanitorium escapees rustling through the woods towards our completely exposed and vulnerable resting space. This concept of sleeping in nature as relaxing and freeing is, at times, a harsh contrast to my startling awake at all hours of the night, certain that the acorns dropping from the trees are actually torture-seeking men, scoping us out as their next victims.

It's funny, we lock our doors and windows and install million dollar security systems, when really, at any point in time, if someone wants to harm you, they will. So how do you stop worrying about it, and just live? How do you let go?

But all is not so awful! I'm using this milestone in my life to start coming to terms with this immense fear. I'll grasp on to corny cliches, the only thing to fear is fear itself! and propel myself forward. If something is going to happen, it's going to happen. Of course I can take as many precautions as possible to prevent my demise (such as keep Vanessa, a naked lady knife gifted to Cait and I from Dave, in the tent next to my sleeping mat), but I can't spend all of my time thinking about it, fretting over it and worrying myself sick about it.

And as for my future, I have to stop fearing that as well. I know what I want to do and I just have to do it, not worry about all of the what-ifs. Plus, with the support and love of Caitlin, I think just about anything is possible.

More about farming and less about existential crises to come, I promise :)

i wanna sing that rock and roll

"I wanna 'lectrify my soul, everybody been makin' a shout, so big and loud, been drownin' me out. I wanna sing that rock and roll."

Been weeding and watering and squishing bugs between my fingertips. Also eating delicious food prepared by Kaitlin and being entertained by Michael's guitar playing and singing. Lots of music and sunshine.

I absolutely love sleeping and waking in the tent - I haven't talked about this yet, but basically, the rainfly for the tent we had was no longer waterproof. We underwent an intensive two day research process to cull the perfect tent for our needs (spacious, light, 150% waterproof, durable quality). Eventually, we found the Black Diamond 3 person Vista. It's incredible. All mesh top so that for the past few nights when it's been a little muggy and most definitely hot as we started to sleep, we just slept without the rainfly.

That was, of course, until we woke up at 5 am to some rain falling on our faces. We sprung up and staked down the fly and all was well.

I'm in love with the San Ysidro dogs and James, the cat.

We're getting ready to send out the letters for the next few farms in North Carolina (cutting it short, we know, who knew how busy our lives would be!) Will, of course, keep your posted :)

On the farm

One thing I know for certain: We have the best friends one could ever ask for. From Binghamton to New Haven to Philadelphia - we are surrounded by wonderful, generous, huge-hearted people. To have their support as we travel is a huge encouragement and I am so grateful for that!

After that lovefest we bring you back to our regular programming: After eating all of Tariq's delicious chicken stew and seeing a wonderful play with Piyali, we ventured forth to Philadelphia. As there is never enough time to spend with our favorite people, it took a long time to wrangle ourselves from the glorious grip of Cedar Haus. Around 1:30 pm on Thurs, September 23rd we embarked on our adventure.

I, citing lack of sleep, was a complete cranky-pants and Caitlin drove the whole way to San Ysidro, bless her heart. We met Michael around 7 pm as he was just finishing up some chores - watering the veggies and feeding the horses. He had to depart rather quickly to go help a friend and so we had some time to set up camp for the next week or so. Kaitlin came home around 10, we met and chatted for a bit and then both parties decided it was time to hit the hay.

It's absolutely beautiful here. There are horses, cows, chickens dogs, and a cat named James who is just a lover. Michael and Kaitlin are both kind people and we're excited to help them out a bit!

Let the games begin!

We could've passed through the beautiful country

"We were careless and mistaken / To drive so far at night / There's so much we never could see past the headlights.
We could have passed through the beautiful country and never even known it."
-Girlyman

We have a tendency to push leaving wherever we are to the last possible moment. Which is, of course, both good and bad. Good because you can enjoy wherever you are as much as possible, see those last few sights, talk a little bit longer to the people you're with. Bad because you end up driving at night, missing a lot of sights, and having less time to talk to the people you're going to see.

I can't help it though - when I am someplace, I just want to know more about it, see more, do more. I'm never really satisfied because I've never done all there is to do. Which is, of course, an impossible feat, but one that nags me.

On top of that, I have this awful habit of falling in love with wherever we go. As mentioned in the previous entry, I'm always on the prowl for the next goal, the next fin de la route. When I do meet a place and inevitably fall in love, I start envisioning myself in that location - going to classes, having babies, long walks along the lake (or river - I will live by either, and will not live without them) when I'm 80.

That being said - I want to live in Chicago. While traveling from Minnesota back east to Binghamton, Cait and I stopped in Chicago. We stayed at the Hostel International Chicago location for a whopping $40 a night/person - granted, not that expensive in terms of hotels in the city, but which was still a big expenditure for our budget-minded adventure. However, when we went out to dinner and realized that we were right in downtown Chicago (I believe they call it "the Loop" - we weren't even there 24 hours so didn't have time to learn the lingo), the price began to make a little more sense.

I am by no means an architectural critic, but Chicago makes me want to take a class, or live in the library for an extended period of time. I felt like Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets" - Chicago makes me want to be a better person.

I woke up the next morning at 7 and continued a trend that I had started in Saint Paul while staying with Cait's family - a morning "wog" consisting of part walking, part jogging. We were literally a block away from Grant Park, so I wogged on over. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a garden, and not just your average tomato basil affair, either. It was a lovely plotted, world enhancing, biodiverse beauty, right there in the middle of Chicago. Upon further inspection, it was created by the amazing Milwaukee-based organization Growing Power. It's called the Grant Park "Art on the Farm" Urban Agriculture Pottager and you can read about it here.

After spending twenty minutes gawking, I finally made it over to Lake Michigan, where I proceeded to wog almost smack dab into a bench because I couldn't stop staring at the lake long enough to keep my eyes on the very clear path that was laid out before me. After that little mishap, I made it through the rest of the wog unscathed - I followed the path around the lake, then went along the river into the heart of downtown. The streets and bridges were buzzing with activity by this time, but down on the path there the few other joggers and I could enjoy the solitude and serenity of the water.

Wouldn't you also fall in love with a city like that? So grand in scope, accompanied by such sordid history? I remember reading Devil in the White City (about the Chicago World's Fair) and not really being able to imagine such a bright yet dark place. This short visit, however, has intrigued me more than any other place so far. I look forward to my possible future exploring what it has to offer!

At this point in our journey, we've spent some time in Binghamton with Rachael and friends for her birthday, camping on a beautiful hill, playing music and roasting marshmallows; have stopped in upstate NY to see my great family and meet my (basically) Uncle's pigs, cows and goats; and are currently in New Haven with Piyali and Tariq, loving their new house (congrats!) and all the amenities that come with having close friends who have a beautiful home and delicious food in their fridge to share with hobos like us.

Looking forward to our last pit-stop in Philadelphia before heading to San Ysidro Farms in Fredericksburg, VA. T-4 days, yikes!

Little Wings

"I don't wanna be a jetairliner, I just want to be a little bird. I don't wanna rip the sky right open, I just want my song to be heard; I don't wanna be state of the art, oh I don't wanna get there overnight, I just wanna be part of all this beauty, wanna be part of all this flight on little wings!"
-Kris Delmhorst

Caitlin and I are in Minnesota with her family. All of our stuff has been sorted and either stored or packed into our car. We've been doing some traveling to visit friends and family before we head out on our adventure and we've crammed it all into such a tight timeframe - a couple days here, a couple there. While I want to see everyone we're visiting (which is why we're visiting them!) the timeframe is frustrating.

Part of this journey, for me at least, is to become more comfortable with the in-between. Because my life has always been in some kind of upheaval, I tend to be very focused on "what's next" - an end goal that allows me to focus my energies and pour my hopes into some kind of stream that will guide me to the upcoming step I must take. I rush headstrong towards this climax and forget, a lot of the time, to both enjoy the ride and even moreso to maybe let it take me a little off the course I originally planned on.

While speeding to MN, I passed right by some of the most beautiful country I had ever seen. However, we had to be in MN to spend as much time with Cait's family as we could before we had to be back on the east coast in Binghamton for a good friend's birthday celebration. Dates, plans, obligations. All essential to our lives, of course. But hopefully, on this journey at least, their urgency and necessity will be temporarily suspended, allowing us to "be part of all this beauty, be part of all this flight."

T-10 days to our first farm, San Ysidro. So much to do before then! Will enjoy every minute of it, however.